Expat Chronicles: Naming
A few weeks ago an envelope dropped through our mail slot, containing a beautiful birth announcement for a friend’s baby girl. She is named Livia, a shortened form of “Olivia” which enjoys steady international popularity. Olivia is a familiar name, but many I’ve encountered in The Netherlands are not familiar at all. Choosing a name is a unique cultural expression. The Netherlands has its own naming culture with traditions, trends and secrets that have been fun to discover.
Traditions
“Traditional Naming Rules:
1st son – father’s father
2nd son – mother’s father
3rd son – father’s oldest brother
4th son – mother’s oldest brother
1st daughter – mother’s mother
2nd daughter – father’s mother
3rd daughter – mother’s oldest sister
4th daughter – father’s oldest sister”
The Dutch have historically been big on family names. In fact, they have a verb explicitly for naming after - vernoemen. Until the 1950’s there was intense social pressure to choose a family name for your baby. Apparently there were even established rules to help you select the socially appropriate candidate.
In 1995, more than 30% of Dutch children were still given family names. Today I notice that my Dutch girlfriends more readily consider choosing a family name or they have strong feelings against it; whereas, the idea barely registered with my friends in the states.
There’s another naming choice that can present itself - changing your name with marriage. In The Netherlands I’ve made my first friends who have not chosen to take on their husband’s name. Some have hyphenated last names or have chosen to keep their original last name. 74% of the time today’s Dutch women do take their partner’s name with marriage, but that leaves a whole 26% who do not. Traditions are changing!
Would it surprise you to hear that my friend who opted to keep her last name is also a friend who named her son after her brother and father?
Secrets
Ok, here’s the thing - baby names are a BIG secret! What is one of the first questions we ask a pregnant woman in the United States? “Have you decided on a name?” I have to retire that question now because here it is simply not done. Most couples do not share the name they have chosen until after baby is born, even keeping it a secret from family and close friends. Same goes for baby’s sex - they may choose to know, but not to share. I only experienced this dynamic once in the states - - - and, go figure, that friend was Dutch.
The other day my Dutch girlfriends saw this photo from Eleni’s baby shower, with her name on the cake. They were surprised and amused. These little cultural differences become so internalized! I too have trouble remembering that it goes the other way here. But, you know, keeping baby’s name a secret makes that birth announcement quite a bit more fun! Plus, my friends have explained that they prefer not to receive opinions from family and friends over the name choice. Choosing a name becomes a private and intimate task, just for the couple.
Trends
So, what are they naming their kids in The Netherlands, anyways? Glad you asked! According to statistics, short names reign. That aligns with my experiences too. My friends have chosen names such as Otis, Han, Nova and Marie. I have also come across some really cute names, like Minty, which her mom explained was created by combining the names of her mothers.
The 20 most popular names for boys and girls in 2022 include names new to me such as Mees, Sem and Noud for boys and Yara, Saar and Milou for girls. I can only assume that these are Dutch? But most of the popular names are actually familiar. I would say that the strongest trend in The Netherlands is to choose a name for your child with international awareness. A couple explained to us just this weekend that when they selected names, they considered how the name would be pronounced in Dutch, English, German and French. They named their boys Olivier and Milo, which please them in all four languages.
This doesn’t surprise me one bit. Dutch people so often see themselves as a small culture in the midst of a wider world. They are very outward-looking. But I do think the trend is pretty clever, actually. Many couples today prefer a name that would be easy to pronounce in English, like Sarah or Nathan. In their homes and daily life, they pronounce that name according to Dutch phonetics, so that it is easy to use in The Netherlands (and totally sounds different!). At the same time, they teach the child what their name sounds like in English. Thus they intentionally prepare the child for likely exposure to the English speaking world, whether in travels, business or study. The child will be able to give her name English-style when meeting people, if she wants, which can make cross-cultural interactions more comfortable.
What’s not a trend in The Netherlands? Creative spelling! Oh, no, no, no. The whole Dutch language is quite rule-following and names are no exception. I got lucky with my kids - something that Dutch people actually pointed out to me when we moved. Liam, Aria and Elora’s names follow the rules of Dutch pronunciation. Their teachers and friends can use those names easily.
My name, on the other hand, sounds absolutely terrible in Dutch! It sounds like Raw-gel - except that “g” is a guttural sound as in the word “loch” (hear it by pressing the sound button by the Dutch flag on this page). Good thing people don’t mind using the English pronunciation, haha.
